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Being a woman who writes on the internet, I’ve received more than my fair share of unsolicited advice from strangers.

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There is a massive difference between, “I wish I was not single” and “I would do absolutely anything to not be single anymore.” Single women have likely heard of the latest app that promises better results than the last two they tried.

They realize that a Saturday evening with their favorite TV show is not a night out with their future spouse. And so to all of those friends to whom I’ve given unsolicited advice, I’m sorry.

As a dyed-in-the-wool try-hard for life, I resent the very idea that there is any such thing as trying too hard.

And as someone who is familiar with Newton’s First Law, I know that nothing just fucking happens.

And if there’s some total babe at that tacky-ass wedding that you want to bond with over how bad the wedding is, go on with your petty-ass self.