Instead, it may be based on gaps we hope to one day fill, mistakes we aim to correct, and familiarities we've grown accustomed to.
We may seek a partner whose outpour of compliments submerges the low self-esteem we held as kids or someone whose allusive tendencies are a sadly familiar reenactment of an important figure from our childhood.
So with all these early defenses quietly operating within us, how do we separate honest love from an illusion of connection?
How do we protect something real and exciting from the deadening effects of what my father, psychologist Dr. " A fantasy bond is created when two people replace real acts of genuine love, admiration, passion, and respect with the role and ritual of "being" in a relationship.
We can act jealous, controlling, manipulative and demanding in an effort to feel secure in our relationships, but these qualities also serve to remove our feelings of passion and attraction toward our partners.