This is what’s going to pay off with a serious relationship in the long run. I did get caught once or twice building air castles, but the sooner that can be nipped in the bud, the better.
So, when my now-fiance announced pretty early on that he wanted to be my boyfriend, I was in a state of very pleasant shock.
Doesn’t mean you don’t want to see her, just means you’re looking to trade up. You’ll wish her the best of luck in her search and you’ll both move on to greener pastures. There are two possible scenarios: 1) she reciprocates in kind, and you become her boyfriend, and 2) she backs away, and you move on. To sum up, the reason her profile is still up is basically one of the below: 1) She’s playing it cool and trying not to act needy. Better to get an answer now than to wait another two months to find out where you stand.
The point is that, by getting too excited about a promising dating prospect, you’re emotionally setting yourself up for heartbreak. When you choose to be devastated by a man who is NOT your boyfriend, what you’re really doing is holding onto the loss of your fantasy.
You’re not really mourning the loss of a guy you never had.
The thing to realize is that you can’t change anyone else’s behavior. What’s the point of me looking for other people when I was into her?
She’s gonna do what she wants to do, same as you are. If she does, just let her know that you don’t want to see anyone else. I dumped the first two and instantly took down my profile for #3. Of course, such an admission can be a little intimidating for someone you’ve known for a week.
The best way to see this clearer is to flip the situation over. She’ll either think that’s sweet and offer to remove her profile, or she’ll remind you that you’re just “seeing each other” and that she’s not ready to be exclusive. I did this three years ago and it worked perfectly. Which is why I reassured her that she didn’t have to remove her profile. And if she wanted to go out with twenty other JDate guys before taking her profile down, she could.